May 10, 2013

I do more yoga than you

I did yoga today and it reminded me of this sucker.  A little ditty I did for RECOVERING YOGI a while back….Happy Friday ya’ll.

 

Good morning, Dear Friend,
Have you heard what I did?
I woke up at four, jumped right out of bed!
What’s that you say; you couldn’t get up?
Lord Shiva and Shakti, you must feel like a schmuck!
You see, I do more yoga than you.

Today I feel great,
Three classes before eight!
What about you? This past month just a few?
How sorry, how sad. Bet you wish what I had.
It’s just, I do more yoga than you.

Lululemon and Prana,
I’m the fucking Pre-Madonna.
My abs sure do look great,
I can’t choose who to date.
It’s so tough being me…
And I do more yoga than you.

Paxil, Prozac and Zoloft,
I accidentally took four days off.
My shrink says distance from yoga, for me, may be healthy,
But how else will I learn to be spiritually wealthy?
See, I do more yoga than you (and him, combined).

I’m off centered, out of balance, and all out of whack,
For the past twenty years I’ve used yoga as crack.
In missing a class, I’ve fallen behind,
To my inner-most goddess, I’m becoming so blind.
At least I still do more yoga than you.

What’s that you say? You made it to a class?
Excuse me for sounding incredibly crass:
You phony, you fake, you raving-terrible bitch!
The only reason you went was to be like me just a titch.
I do more yoga than you.

Oops, forgive me, my gosh! What’s gotten into me?
What I meant was I’m so happy! I hope it sets you free!
But please let me make myself incredibly clear:
I do more yoga than you do, My Dear.

Posted by |Filed Under: Boulder-isms | Buddhism | poems | Reader Favorites | Recovering Yogi | Leave a Comment
April 24, 2013

Prepping for summer in Colorado

Posted by |Filed Under: Boulder-isms | Cora the Rose | Kierian Man | 2 Comments
December 20, 2012

Housewifery

Sometimes when I get the kids down to nap and I look around the house and there are crumbs on the floor and Legos on the window sills and boxes of Christmas decorations that are sitting out waiting to be put up, and corroded dishes in the sink, and laundry vomiting out the closet and dog shit covering the yard, I think to myself, Self, I think it may just be easier to light this mother fucker on fire (the house).

Now now, before you go on thinking I am crazy, let me assure you that I’d set fire to our house responsibly.   I’d get the kids and all the valuables like our pictures and our estate planning documents.  I’d alert the neighbors and grab the laptop and a few snacks for the kids like bun-buns or something to tide them over until I could explain to Daddy that we’d have to go out to dinner.  I’d turn off the gas (wait, I don’t know how to do this–should I do this before starting a fire?  I’ll have to ask my brother…).  I may even get the dog, but honestly, that is totally dependent on the day of the week I’d set the fire and what mood I am in.

One hurdle I’m finding in my planning is where to start the fire?  I’m thinking of starting it in the back because we just got a new couch in the front and I feel like we should let that sucker stand as long as we can before burning because it is new.  Also, if I start it in the back I should have time to run to the front and get out safely.  Or, if at the off chance that I change my mind mid-inferno, I could get back in and find the fire extinguisher and get it under control.

You know what though?   The cleaners are coming tomorrow so maybe I’ll just wait until next week.

Just another real problem for a Boulder Housewife.

Posted by |Filed Under: at my finest | Boulder-isms | Cussing | motherhood | 6 Comments
August 9, 2012

More First World Problems.

Because my life is so tough…  I could seriously come up with this shiz all day long, Baby.

  • I can’t tell if this free range, organically fed buffalo meat is grain fed

Pretty sure this is a cow, but you get what I'm trying to do here.

  • Our nanny only speaks English
  • Watching the Olympics puts us over the recommended 7 hours of TV per week
  • Siri doesn’t understand a fucking word I say
  • Hangnail
  • I have like three stops before I get to Bali
  • My cursive G looks like shit
  • I have too many cloth grocery bags
  • I can’t focus because of the noise coming from the air-conditioner

What else you got?

Posted by |Filed Under: at my finest | Boulder-isms | Cussing | stuff that's dumb | that's what she said | Leave a Comment
June 27, 2012

Safe from the Fire

Hey ya’ll.  Just wanted to thank you all for the outpour of emails, texts and calls about the fire up in our hood.  We are in the pre-evacuation zone and ended up leaving our house with our valuables last night due mostly to smoke.  We weren’t forced to get out, but felt that because our tikes are so small, getting away from the smoke was the best choice for us. Most of our neighbors have evacuated.

We are home today (at least for the time being) and the smoke has really died down.  There were 16 firetrucks in our neighborhood last night making sure things were okay.  Thank goodness for all the women and men who are working tirelessly to get this thing under control.  I think now we just need to send our love and prayers down to those in Colorado Springs as that fire has really gotten out of control.

Thanks so much for your concern.

Posted by |Filed Under: Boulder-isms | 2 Comments
April 30, 2012

The Latest in First World Problems..

  • Before yesterday, it had seriously been like 8 months since my last massage..
  • It’s proving to be a particularly difficult season for dandelions..
  • The cleaners forgot to use our eco-friendly cleaning products and the odor is giving me a headache..

 

  • It’s kinda hard to fit TWO car seats comfortably in the Prius..
  • I have like 300 texts I need to send today..
  • Our organic produce from the farmer’s market is already going bad..
  • I have new sandals I wanna show off, but it’s only supposed to be 67 degrees outside..
  • If only people knew how uncomfortable laser hair removal actually was..
  • Pandora keeps playing songs I already know..

Got any good ones lately?

Posted by |Filed Under: at my finest | Boulder-isms | stuff that's dumb | Leave a Comment
April 23, 2012

12 Years of Love

Well, today Luker and I have officially been together for 12 years.  Holy crap, that’s more than a third of our lives.  I’ll spare the sappy details, but it is kind of funny how it happened.  We were both dating other people at the time and in a matter of a couple of days “closed” those relationships and ended up together.  Best decision yet as far as I can tell.  Here are a few of our favorite highlights of the past twelve years…

  • trips back and forth to Ithaca, NY and Colorado during our 3.5 years of dating long distance..
  • Summers in Boulder during college…running, eating sushi, hiking 14′ers, backpacking and biking (man we did a lot pre-kids)
  • Luke calling my parent’s house and singing messages to me on their answering machine (pre-cell phone era)
  • Moving in together on the Upper West Side in NYC once both of us were done with college
  • Getting engaged in Central Park just three months after living together (I thought we needed to wait to get engaged until we’d lived together for at least three months.  Three months to the day almost, we were engaged–sweet Luker)
  • Feeling like New York was “our city” being there just the two of us
  • Leaving our jobs in NYC to travel in New Zealand for some time, realizing that life is bigger than jobs..
  • Landing jobs in Boulder and buying our first little condo right next to the trails, promising we’d never move farther away from the trails (so far, we’ve maintained it!)
  • Getting Married in July of 2005 then traveling to India/Nepal for our honeymoon
  • Getting two dogs together
  • Traveling through Thailand together in 2007
  • Having our babes together
  • Road trips (that have now morphed into flight trips) every Thanksgiving
  • Enjoying Boulder summers together…swimming pool, hiking, biking/busing to happy hour, road-trips to the mountains, night time picnics in random parks, camping and more…

How lucky I am to have found such a great partner.  And gosh, how quickly time goes by…

Posted by |Filed Under: Boulder-isms | happiness | 6 Comments
February 2, 2012

Crunchy Moms

I know these are getting effing annoying, but for obvious reasons, this is one of my fav’s:

 

Posted by |Filed Under: Boulder-isms | cool videos | motherhood | stuff that's dumb | that's what she said | 2 Comments
October 14, 2011

My Husband, Gang Banger

I got my haircut the other day and my hair lady was telling me about this gang in Boulder.  I know I live in a bubble, but WTF right?  Boulder?  Anyway, she got jumped on Pearl Street on Halloween night two years ago at about 1 in the morning.   She was beat up so bad she had to have plastic and reconstructive surgery.  Dear God.

At any rate, I was telling Luke about this and after feeling awful for my hair-cutter friend, he responded:

LUKE:  “Well, just so you know I’m also hoping to become a part of a gang.”

ME: Rolling my eyes and laughing, “Oh yeah?” Because I imagine most gang bangers eagerly and overly enthusiastically tell their partners they are ‘hoping to become a part of a gang.’

LUKE: Excitedly responds, “Yeah, it’s called the Chain Gang.   It’s an association for chain restaurants on the West Coast.  Our company is really hoping to become involved.”  Smiling brightly.

Again, dear God.

Posted by |Filed Under: Boulder-isms | Luker | that's what he said | 2 Comments
September 26, 2011

I Do More Yoga Than You

A new little ditty I wrote for Recovering Yogi:

Click me to read!

 

Posted by |Filed Under: Boulder-isms | elephant journal | poems | Recovering Yogi | stuff that's dumb | Leave a Comment
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