March 27, 2013
Animal Heads
January 24, 2013
Holy sh*t, did I tell you we were going to Disney?
We are. In like two days. We’re just so excited we can hardly stand it.
Cora is going to lose her friggin’ mind. While poor Daddy is working at a conference, Cora will be metamorphosing into a princess completely pushed, packaged and sold by Disney. But hey, that’s alright. Let the girl have her fun. It’s going to be SO darling.
My favorite princess was always Ariel. But upon reading this little chart I feel more closely aligned with the sarcastic bitch at the bottom with the rose.
But WHO the fuck is she?
I couldn’t have said it better myself, Elyse. I seriously have no idea.
Anyway, I’ll leave you with the following video. I know I have posted it before but I swear to God it is the most brilliant thing I have ever seen in my life. I should post this shit every day (totally worth waiting through the ad, btw).
Ta-ta, Bitches.
Bonjour, Girl! – watch more funny videos
November 13, 2012
50 years from now..
I keep starting all these really lame posts about things that are way to serious and all I really want to share with you is this:
It’s functions like this (I suppose people who are *in* might call them “apps”) that make me want to keep the iPhone for the long haul. I mean how fun is this?
As an aside, look at how thin and taut my neck is. No fucking way, man. They definitely should have worked some rolls and sags in there. Although maybe I’d be one to get a neck lift (is that a procedure?) and they could tell that just by looking at me. Doubtful. But you never know with the technology they have these days. I sound as old as I look.
Goodbye.
October 24, 2012
The Queen
Last week I saw THE QUEEN in concert. That’s right, Madonna.
It was a bit ridiculous being that I’d just returned in-country three days before, but it was definitely worth the rally…we bought the tickets months before for this night. A whole slew of girlies headed down to Denver to witness her show.
The reviews were mixed. She came on three hours late, which for a bunch of cougars and 40-yr-old gay men was a bit rough. But I still attest it was worth it. The opening was off the hook:
And while some were furious with her overt political statements, she is a freaking icon and seeing her was nothing short of legendary.
Many were angered by the use of guns in her show. Apparently her fans in Denver asked for her to tone down the gun violence due to the recent attack in Aurora. Her simple answer was no.
And you know what? I thought it was great. I wanted to see Madonna because she’s always pushed the envelope. As a Catholic and a rebel myself growing up, she represents all that is bad-ass. Sexuality, confidence, power, crisis of faith, independence, creativity and all things little girls think about at different points in life. The gun thing was just her latest version of “scary” thinking. I somehow doubt she’s into guns in real life. And besides that, the woman is 54 and doing yoga, kung-fu and shows her bare ass on the stage…she’s pretty damn hardcore in my book.
It was a hell of a show. If you grew up loving Madonna and she comes to your town, don’t even hesitate.
April 2, 2012
Cora Lately..
The latest in fashion at the Vernon household: Dressing up in dishtowels and going out in public. Reminds me that kids can have fun with the most insignificant items. Who needs fancy things!? Maybe I’ll get a Gandhi after all..
March 22, 2012
Sell Out
Well Folks, I am a sell out. It’s official. I folded. bought a pair of skinny jeans. And I actually like them. I think.
I know, I know, this is terrible news for the other thick-thighed out there among me. I felt like we had formed a united front as Skinny Jean Haters. I know, it pains me too. So, with my tail between my legs, I am asking for your forgiveness. Please, will you still be my friend?
Look, I can tell you this: they pretty much look like shit on me. I mean, I try to walk around and own them, but I am a Stranger in a Strange Land with these mo fo’s on. A poser. A wanna be. I am a middle school girl with a bra on for the first time thinking everyone knows.
‘Cause Mama’s got a booty and some thighs.
But please understand, it’s just because I have spent much of the last four years of life pregnant. Styles have changed and I have no idea what the fuck is going on. So now I am at the mercy of my fashionable friends to tell me what the hell to wear. There are moments when I wonder if they are just fucking with me. Like they want me to look like an idiot and are playing with me. But then I shake my head and remember that I don’t have sisters (I jest, I jest) or catty friends like that. I know they are trying to help me. And so I’m all ears.
So, I’ll continue my quest to be current with the styles. But I am a minimalist at heart. Being that these skinny jeans were the first item of clothing I’ve purchased for myself since 2008, I think I’ve got my work cut out for me.
December 12, 2011
Fans
You know what I love the most about Bronco fans? White trash. There is so, so much white trash when it comes to the Bronc’s. And I love them with all my heart. Going to a game brings out my inner trailer hick. She’s totally praised in the stands.
I went to my first game of the season last night and sat up in the nose bleeds in the midst of long-mulleted, burping, sloppy assholes and loved every fucking minute of it. Going to games is the perfect excuse to do everything your Mama told you not to: shove multiple hotdogs down your gullet, drink copious amounts of shitty beer, cuss your ass off, throw peanuts at opposing fans below and get into fist fights. If I believed in Heaven, pretty sure that’s what it’d be.
I went with my Dad:
He made damn sure I knew loads about the game as a wee lad, so it was fun to go with him. Before the big game though, our entire family got pumped and went out for bagels so people could see our level of commitment and dedication (the bagel was just an excuse):
However, like idiots, my Dad and I left with five minutes in the game to go, Broncos down 10-0, never having been to a Tebow game before. We screamed at the radio and cursed ourselves as we drove home wishing we had held tight. The Broncos won in overtime. And though Tebow has a vagina, he continues to pull wins out of some place, so I am warming up to him.
I’ll be honest, having a new baby, I haven’t been the best Bronco fan this year. But last night really opened something up in me. Be it my inner white trash, my childhood obsession with the Broncos, what have you…I’m glad to be back.
December 9, 2011
