It’s been a trip.  Really it has.  I started this blog just a week after my sweet Cora Rose was born.  I’ve been sharing my perverse views on life here for nearly four years. I can’t tell you how appreciative I am to have had your eyes peepin’ through my shit.  It’s kept me going.  But it’s time for me to focus on writing other things.  (Hoping to get after another novel here…)

Though I must say, it isn’t easy to walk away.  You know how break-ups are.  It isn’t you, it’s totally me.

If you’d like to continue our cyber-relationship, please follow me on TWITTER.  (I’d love to follow you as well).

If the reason you come here is to see pictures of my progeny, please consider joining INSTAGRAM.

If you are here for professional (WRITING)  reasons, I’m impressed that you made it this far.  As you can tell, I’m incredibly professional.  Check me out on my WEBSITE.  I’ll post writing updates here as well (latest articles, happenings with books, etc…)

And if you are here for the first time, please feel free to browse.  Check out READER FAV’s to get a feel…

Thanks for the memories.

Signing off,

Brie

The REALEST housewife in Boulder County.  Bitches.

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Good morning, Dear Friend,
Have you heard what I did?
I woke up at four, jumped right out of bed!
What’s that you say; you couldn’t get up?
Lord Shiva and Shakti, you must feel like a schmuck!
You see, I do more yoga than you.

Today I feel great,
Three classes before eight!
What about you? This past month just a few?
How sorry, how sad. Bet you wish what I had.
It’s just, I do more yoga than you.

Lululemon and Prana,
I’m the fucking Pre-Madonna.
My abs sure do look great,
I can’t choose who to date.
It’s so tough being me…
And I do more yoga than you.

Paxil, Prozac and Zoloft,
I accidentally took four days off.
My shrink says distance from yoga, for me, may be healthy,
But how else will I learn to be spiritually wealthy?
See, I do more yoga than you (and him, combined).

I’m off centered, out of balance, and all out of whack,
For the past twenty years I’ve used yoga as crack.
In missing a class, I’ve fallen behind,
To my inner-most goddess, I’m becoming so blind.
At least I still do more yoga than you.

What’s that you say? You made it to a class?
Excuse me for sounding incredibly crass:
You phony, you fake, you raving-terrible bitch!
The only reason you went was to be like me just a titch.
I do more yoga than you.

Oops, forgive me, my gosh! What’s gotten into me?
What I meant was I’m so happy! I hope it sets you free!
But please let me make myself incredibly clear:
I do more yoga than you do, My Dear.

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Finding worms for dump trucks.

Ladybug rain boots and a pink raincoat

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Halloween is quickly approaching.  Though Cora doesn’t do candy yet, a girl’s gotta have a costume.  At least to take a few pics.  So, my good friend Leslie and I decided to set out to make this happen.

Originally, I was thinking she could be the Dalai Lama.  But once Leslie and I arrived at the costume store, we realized that there were o-so-many adorable options.  I needed to be open-minded.

Leslie found this cute lil lion costume that was small enough to fit her.  I was sold.  We drove home talking about how cute it was, and how I would put little barrettes in the mane to make it look more little girl-ish.  (I can’t quite bring myself to do the whole princess thing yet, though there were millions of those costumes in her size).

I threw it in the laundry to make sure it was clean and ready.  My plan was to have her in it when Daddy got home so he could get a sneak peek at what Halloween would bring this year.

Like an idiot, I didn’t read the instructions.  And like and idiot, I threw it in the dryer.  As it was drying, I wondered for a brief second if maybe it wasn’t supposed to be dried.  Naw, I thought.  It’ll be fine.

When I pulled it out of the dryer, it was totally ruined.  But not like you’d think.  There weren’t chunks missing and the mane hadn’t frizzed.  The adorable little lion costume came out with a perfect Jerry Curl.  I kid you not.  A freaking Jerry Curl:

Luke came home that night and took one look at the costume and said: “What is she supposed to be, The Reverend Al Sharpton?”

I really nailed that one.

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Yes, yes, we knew you were coming.  Yes, yes, we hope you help prevent forest fires this summer.  Blah blah blah.  Honestly, though, I’m so done with you that I’d take burnt grass in June.  For realz.  Fucking bring it.

I have run out of all my teacher tricks of making up games and art projects and dressing up and painting and charades and I have baked my ass off and I seriously can’t go to the fucking mall one more time or I might take someone out because the kids who go there as regularly as we do these days are kinda whack.  How the fuck am I supposed to avoid endless hours of Disney tunes on Pandora when I am trapped inside like this?  Sometimes I just lie on the floor and let the kids crawl all over me.  Because I am that good and I can’t think of anything else…

What it's like here

I heard this weekend we might reach the 70′s, though.  Suddenly I feel a bit better.

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• Planning our summer camping trips..
• Boobs that don’t squirt anything..
• Still riding the high of the writing shiz..

Happy weekend ya’ll

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Makin' waves

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But I do have some exciting news that I’ve been sitting on for a week.  I SIGNED WITH AN AGENT!  The amazing Emily Keyes from L. Perkins Agency offered representation and I signed with her today! I am totally over the moon.  For realzies, guys.

Many of you know I’ve written a few books, and she’ll be representing my book WONDER BREAD.  She will now go out to publishers and pitch them my book to see if we can get this sucker published.  It’s a HUGE deal because without an agent, my dream of getting published with most any publishing house is only that: a dream.

And Emily couldn’t be more supportive and amazing.  I’ve now had the chance to have a couple of phone conversations with her and man, do I feel lucky.  She’s incredibly knowledgeable about the industry, trends, and what editors are looking for.  She has already told me who she hopes to pitch for WONDER BREAD.  And she talked me through where some of her other clients are in regards to getting published, and hearing her speak of them with such faith in their work makes me know I’m lucky to have her behind me.  She’ll be a hell of a champion for WONDER BREAD.  I can already tell.

So, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that once I get this bad boy all polished up, a publishing house out there will take me on.  Thanks for your support during this process and I will keep you posted!!

And now, the song to which I used to dance in the mirror when I was ten.  Only for moments like this:

Check out those freaking nightgowns.

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